So in an attempt to keep my mind active, I am reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy and it is emotional. I feel that while lately I've been doing well in my personal life, my resting mind and creative mind have felt rather uneasy. I've been at unrest. I've had nightmares the past few nights, and struggled to fall asleep with fears of intruders in the night. Robbery. Even fires. I don't know why anxieties that plagued my childhood are resurfacing. Perhaps the changes and calm in my life have unlocked some sort of defense mechanism to keep me from "letting my guard down". Maybe I'm having a period of heightened anxiety due to a feeling of displacement.
Whatever the manifestation of my uneasy feelings, I intend to try and relax and channel my mind into art. Perhaps I will create something based on my fears in order to overcome it. Who knows?
A man in debt fears the dark more.
I fear no dark, I fear what lurks there to take the most important things to me in this living world. I fear for my safety based on these prowlers.
Starting to formulate some monologue for my main character to feel, think, and take on. We'll see what occurs.
Until then, please send me some happier vibes. I cannot be a creative beacon at the hours I intend to rest. I must remember that the idea behind this process is to feel a little more satisfied and gratified in my efforts not go mad. Bwahahahahaha!
Let me know what you think of The Road, when you are finished. I enjoyed some of it, despite my bitching about it, but in the end, I wasn't too pleased.
ReplyDeleteI can relate on a basic level how you are feeling as of lately. I too have paranoia coupled with nightmares. Have you tried tea? I know that sounds crazy, but some good ol' SleepyTime Extra (the extra is important Valerian Root helps you sleep and relax), might ease you into nighttime better.
Either way, I'm sending you some super happy vibes!